At night, I lean over the side of her crib, and I gaze in the darkness at her gently closed eyelids, and her chest moving up and down. It’s ecstasy. I begin thinking about her future. What school should she go to? What will be our most difficult milestones? What on Earth is she dreaming about now and what is she thinking about during the day?
Having a special needs child was not in my “plan.” It’s not in anyone’s plan but I’m going to stop living by the “plan.” Vision and values; those are different. I want to live by those. I’m throwing out the plan. If I live by this so-called plan, what might I miss?
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| Maddi getting "screen time" (not in the doctor's plan) |
How could we reject this playful moment, though it was already 10:15pm. Though school starts at 8:30am and kids should have 10 hours of sleep. Though the routine my husband and I agreed to was kids in bed by 8pm.
That’s the plan. Let’s throw that out (sometimes).
I want to have a memorable, fun life. Sometimes a “plan” gets in the way. Yes, boundaries are OK but make them wide and encompassing.
What works for me doesn’t work for others.
When Maddi turned 3-months-old, I called my CPA firm and said, “I can’t come back just yet. I need 3 more months.” They said, OK. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her.
Some moms opt not to work. When I returned to work, it took me months…almost a year, to accept something that wasn’t in my plan. My “plan” was to stay home with my kids. I re-think this decision multiple times a day. When I’m getting dressed and dropping my oldest at preschool – all day. When I kiss the forehead of my special needs child to say good-bye. When I wake-up at 5am to work, and come home at 5pm utterly exhausted.
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| Given in at the candy store |
Now I love my work and I love my family. I cheat some days and work from home. Last week, I stayed home to be at Lizzie’s physical therapy. Every moment I cherished. We worked on her lip strength for sucking bottles and taught her where her feet are so that she begin grasping them (as other babies commonly do).
Some might think 10:15pm is too late to go to bed; others may think working full-time while raising family isn’t right. But this works for us. Each experience is special, whether it’s working with my clients and co-workers or playing with my children and family. Maybe a plan isn't the right thing to live by. If I am rushing to work, rushing through my commute or something else, what am I missing?
Did you read the Washington Post experiment about Josh Bell?
"A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32.00 When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth $3,500,000 dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing."
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