It's a bright future, don't sigh for me

Snuggle-bunny

Please don't shake your head and say I'm sorry.

Save the sigh with a long harumph for someone else.

When I tell you that my 5-month-old daughter has Down syndrome, congratulate me.

Congratulate me for a healthy, beautiful baby who has a future as bright as the next child, who has huge opportunity on the path ahead, in a world that I know she will challenge to keep pace with her pursuits of a new norm. A norm where people are not judged or limited by a diagnosis but instead supported and championed for being unique.

This week, columnists filled our newspapers with stories of triumph. And I'm not talking about the NBA and Stanley Cup playoffs. It's closer to home, in many ways.

Two articles in the Oregonian showcased a young runner who won her race despite crossing the finish line dead last: http://www.oregonlive.com/sports/oregonian/john_canzano/index.ssf/2012/04/canzano_a_big_moment_at_a_yout.html and http://www.oregonlive.com/sports/oregonian/john_canzano/index.ssf/2012/04/canzano_story_of_the_girl_who.html.

Then, columnist George Will shared his 40-year-old son's "gift of serenity" with millions of readers. (http://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/latest-columns/20120503-george-will-the-gifts-of-jons-down-syndrome.ece).

Playful Lizzie reaching for toys

I know it's not all about triumph and serenity. Gosh, parenting is about so much more.

I also don't mean to put a blanket over all of those who respond positively when I share our news. In fact, most people are excited for us. They embrace us with such love. A previous co-worker who once worked for Oregon's state mental institutions (which were closed decades ago), met me for breakfast last week and said, "I don't think I'm going to have the response that many have had for you. I think you are going to have a wonderful journey and experience."

I couldn't agree more.
 

But before I met Elizabeth, I was one of those people who would have said, "I'm sorry," with a long sigh.

Lizzie is a sister, and much more



I was one of those people who thought having a special needs child would alter things for the worse, not the better. As I reflect on those early days, I blame the media, our society and our doctors for this because I was afraid. Would you believe that the popular http://www.babycenter.com/ calls Down syndrome a problem?

Here's a quote from the site: "Many parents-to-be worry that their developing baby may have Down syndrome or some other chromosomal abnormality. Screening tests help you assess your baby's chances of having this kind of problem." 

No wonder why we are so fearful. No wonder why I'm so anxious to brag about Lizzie to others, yet wonder whether I should tell this person that she has Downs. If I do, I am uber-quick to preface it by: "Lizzie is unique and we are thrilled to raise her. Lizzie has Downs." This is somewhat out of self-protection.

But sometimes I'm not quick enough, and then come the sighs and the apologies.

I get it. That was me in the early days. I was so fearful that I became depressed, suffered from post-traumatic stress, and simply had no will to move forward. Lizzie slept and slept, for days. I wish I could have enjoyed those days.

That was then, this is now.

 

Think about how fortunate we are to have Elizabeth, our little angel who doesn't have a "problem" (as http://www.babycenter.com/ calls it) nor is she "disabled" as others would label her. Instead, she is my daughter, Madeleine's sister, Samantha and Abigail's cousin, a niece, a granddaughter and a friend.

She is a little girl who started rice cereal today, just like other 5-month-olds. She sits up (propped against the couch), she loves tummy time far more than her big sis Maddi did, she tracks objects, turns her head when someone enters the room or calls to her, snuggles with a grip so hard that you never want to let go.

I understand when you say, "I'm sorry."

I was there. But I've learned, and I hope you will too. Don't be persuaded by the media or the doctors. Follow God. Follow your heart. I promise you will see the beauty in others that may not be exactly like you, and you will grow as I have.